anyone any ideas

[linda]

Hi my little girl is in year 3 and has always loved school she has been a confident and competent learner.
Now we have had a lot of changes in our home in the last 6 months and I know these will have affected her in some way but she is struggling with school, so much so that she will make herself sick so as she doesn't have to go to school. ( my step children have moved in with us permanently )

This is her first year in juniors , she has a male teacher and things are just getting worse really.
I have been into school ( not to meet with the teacher but with the family liaison teacher ) and strategies were put into place to try and raise her confidence and self esteem but today she broke down in tears saying she did not like her teacher and he frightened her.

To say i am upset is an understatement and I really don't know what to do for the best. I know i need to sort this out for my little girl but just putting it down in words does help me a little

If anyone has any idea how i can deal with this i would be extremely grateful

Thank you

Linda x

[joanne]

First of all Linda - I have to say what an amazing parent you are - coping with all these changes yourself - not easy by any stretch of the imagination.

Just to say that this 'house' (as we have called it Hayliff House) is full of suggestions only - what you decide to do is always up to you as you are the expert of your children.

The issue you have raised is a very interesting one - and one which many parents are often confronted with in regard to school. In your case you have presented two issues with regard to your daughter - the huge family change since September and school. What I love about your daughter is that she is giving you clear messages that all is not well through her behaviour. Remember behaviour is a language children use - when they don't have the words to express themselves. As parents, our challenge is to understand that language. Once we do - the behaviour will disappear naturally - she will no longer have a need for it.

Probably the most important skill every parent needs is the ability to listen. So may I suggest sitting down with your daughter or taking her for a walk and listening to what she has to say - without any fear of judgement - or that she may get into trouble etc. When you hear her story - you will know instinctively what to do - trust yourself. Your confidence will bring out the confidence in her.

Every child needs a champion - and who better to champion her than her mother. And if that means talking to the teacher - or going back to the school liason teacher - so be it. With regard to the new family arrangements - ask her what she thinks of it all and how she feels. Ask her if is she has any suggestions on how to resolve any problems she may be experiencing.

Best of luck with your decision - you have lots of support here!

[behanfamily]

Linda hun, I know you have mentioned your anxieties and fears re Rebekah and school before and I dont have the answers unfortunely. I didnt want to read and run from the post, but did want to say your an amazing lady whos been a great support to me in the past. Im sure your an even greater mum. I wish you well with getting a happier little girl sending you all hugs xxxxxxxxx

[linda]

Thanks guys

Rebekah is back at school on Thursday and I am not putting pressure on her about it just letting her talk about it if she wants to.

I will let you know how she goes on even if its only to have a "cry" about it

Thanks again

Linda x

[noreenc]

I certainly know the difficulties of change Linda and like you its not easy on anyone. All of my kids have undergone huge changes since my separation last year - and its only now that we are all beginning to really talk about it. And its true the key is listening - its amazing what you hear when you are not talking (and thats hard for me ). Best of luck with your situation Linda, I will be thinking of you.

[linda]

Hi Guys well today was the day when she went back to school.

I have had to literally push her into the car whilst she was crying and trying to make herself sick and all in all have had one bad day.

I have been in touch with school today with the head teacher and arranged a meeting tomorrow , I am really at my wits end I don't know what to do anymore for the best.

Sorry to bore you but feel better just "talking" about it

Linda x

[behanfamily]

Linda dont feel bad about talking about it here - you dont bore us hun. Im sorry Rebekahs first day wasnt good, but its good youve arranged the meeting. Good luck hun xxxx

[joanne]

Hi there Linda - watching your child being so upset - just cuts through us with a knife. Whatever they may be feeling we feel twice as bad because every parent wants their child to be happy, confident and secure in themselves.

And you've started the communication process with the school and thats a great start. Take it step by step, day by day - keep listening to yourself and to your child. You are doing a great job - well done.

[linda]

Hi Just wanted to give an update

We have had a couple of meetings now at school and I do feel we are getting somewhere.

Rebekah now has a job to do in the morning when she goes into school ( you know really important one like sharpening pencils and she knows everyone needs a sharp pencil to write with lol ) and she goes into school 10 mins before the bell to stop the anxiety outside. This seems to be working so fingers crossed.

She also gets lots of hugs and encouragement from a really wonderful NTA in the classroom which is just what she needs.

Thanks all for listening and I will be keep popping in for a little chat.

Linda x

[joanne]

That is fantastic news Linda - I am delighted for you and your daughter. Its great to get updates - so thanks for that !