When to send them to school?

[workingmum22]

My sister has a little girl who is 4 in April and she is wondering should she send her to school this September or wait another year? She is a quiet child and seems rather small for her age.

[behanfamily]

I Know this is hard and they do seem so young and little for school.

My daughter (now approaching 6 this August - gosh where has that gone!) started school the January after her 4th birthday in the August so was 4 yrs 5 months old when she started reception.

I didnt think she would be ready, but its amazing how quickly they settle and adapt and thrieve.

Reception is really education throu play, so the children dont realise they are learning and its a lot like nursery school. If your sister has any concerns about the school tell her to arrange a visit to hopefully help reassure her.

My daughter is now in Year 1 - the youngest in her class, but one of the brightess (we had parents evening last night, no Im not bias hehe ~wink~). She loves school and Im sure your niece will too.

Any more questions please fire away.

[joanne]

Your sister is probably going to get loads of advice on this issue - but from my experience I have never heard of someone who regretted sending their kids too old to school - but I have certainly heard numerous parents who regretted sending them too young !

School isn't just about learning - its also about the child's ability to mix and make friends, take turns, cope with the lunchbreaks, the yard, having to sit quiet all day, to listen etc.

So my advice is to ask yourself, whether or not, your niece would be able cope with all of this - if in doubt then waiting another year may be the making of her.

As a matter of interest Rachel - when can you send your child to school in the UK and what do most parents do there ? This is such an interesting subject.

[neasaod]

I sent my DS to school at 5 (he was in playschool at 4) his birthday is in July so it was hard to call. I'm glad I left hm till then because I didn't think he was ready. Now my DD is another story! She is 3 in April and enrolled for playschool this September. But if I don't think shes ready next year she can do another year in playschool. I would trust my instincts on this one.
My friend is a Naoinan teacher (baby infants in English???) and she said she has seen kids coming in at 4 that weren't ready, crying for Mommy, wanting a nap, clinging to her. She sees no benefit in sending them too early. So I guess the question still stands, WHAT is the right age?? Is there a right age or does it solely depend on the child?

[behanfamily]

In the UK, and in Sheffield we have 2 intakes September and January. The cut off point being babies born upto 31st Aug start in January (I think) ~blush~. Im not sure when they "officially" have to be in education. I think its Easter they are 5 (that goes back to when they had an April intake - but no longer do this) sorry if Im misquoting as Charlotte is my eldest and I just know she was ready for school at that age.

An interesting discussion as to what age children should start school - look forward to reading more opinions.

[sandidune]

Don't think there is an ideal age - all children are different and attending a creche or playschool can make a difference - as Joanne said, it's also about mixing with other children and being used to other enviroments without your Mum watching over you.
My sister lives in Italy, and the children start school very early over there, plus it's 6 days a week and very long hours. She was very worried, because my niece is very clingy, bi-lingual,and NOT used to interacting with others. Anyway, she started school - quickly adjusted and loves it now.
I am amazed at how for example: no matter what our childrens developemental stage is at - if we HAVE to do something or enforce something - like going to school, we do it.
On the other hand, my niece will be 4 in december. Last August was the first time she ever let anyone but her mother take her to the toilet (that was me) If she wants a drink, her mother not daddy) has to give it to her. Despite having her own room, she sleeps with my sister. I often wonder if it was law, would she be sleeping in her own room etc.,
I think most of you will agree that while we seek/welcome advice on parenting, we often wish that prople wouldn't stick their nose in and I sometimes have to bite my lip (when in Italy) when I see want my (gorgeous,cute) niece gets away with.
At the end of the day - if you feel like you have sent your child to school too early, the reasons why can become apparent quickly. If they can't interact - take them places where they have to. If they panic when you are not there, you must make a point of leaving them - even for very short periods with someone else. If it's the school work - do some at home to help them catch up.
I spent almost two years without getting a baby-sitter because DS puked on every one we ever had - he would go to bed, but if he woke and found us not there, he would panic and puke! When I reached the stage where I knew this was silly, I got my mother to visit regularily - I'd disappear. I explained to him that I was going out but "I would be back" (that's important for a child to hear) and he totally settled down.
Starting school can be deemed to be a potentially tramatic experience for our children, but how many times have they amazed us?? I'd say, go with the flow - if it doesn't work, try to fix it - if it fails - try again next year.

[joanne]

You have made some great points here Barbara and i do believe that all parents are the experts of their children - and that will instincitively know whats best for their child. I found it interesting reading about your sister - don't you find it amazing how everyone parents differently !!!!

Under the current legislation children have to be 4 before the 30th September before going to school - which in my view is too young ! You may find that Principals of school put pressure on parents to send kids into school too young simply to keep their numbers up and not lose teachers ! Never feel you have to agree to this if you feel that your child is not ready.

Also keep in mind that you can't repeat Junior Infants anymore unless your child has been assessed beforehand by a child psychologist and so have proper reason to stay back. But you can get around this by moving the child to another school - which seems a bit drastic to me.

Is this the same as in the UK - or can you keep them back if you like?

[behanfamily]

thought Id post this link for those whos children are coming to the age to start school, hope it is of some use

www.direct.gov.uk/en/EducationAndLearning/Schools/ChoosingASchool/DG_10023401

[joanne]

Great link Rachel - thanks for that !

[workingmum22]

Thanks for all the info and advice - have passed it on to my sister. But like you said it has to be her decision - but we had such a good chat about it the other day that I think she may now decide to keep her at playschool for another year - which I think is a really good idea.

[joanne]

Communication is so important when parenting - whether its between child and parent or between adults themselves ! The fact that your sister is aware of the situation will make all the difference and you are right it is her decision and the one she will make will be right for her and her family. Well done though in giving her so much positive support ! ;D

[noreenc]

i have sent all of my kids to school at 5 or over and never regretted it. They love school and are so independent when it comes to doing their homework and getting their bags ready in the morning. but some of their friends are much younger than them and are at times in my view babyish. but this is just my opinion - i know that every kid is different.

[mary22]

i agree that it is a big decision when to send junior to school. Children may appear ready and eager to start school when they turn 4, but i worry that it may be as they go through primary school that their lack of maturity when hold them back. Especially if the rest of their class are a year plus older then them. A friend of mine [ a primary school teacher who thought 4th class] always could tell the child who started at 4 without checking the school roll book. At the other end of their education if they start very young they will have to make career choices at a very young age too.

[behanfamily]

This is very interesting to read other peoples views. My DD is the youngest in her class, and I never thought about her starting work too early. Sometimes she is immature and you can tell shes young, but then shes at the top of her class in maths and english, so education wise I would have felt like I was holding her back. Her teachers are so pleased with her, and says although shes the youngest shes one of the most confident, outgoing, children in the class. I have no regrets of sending her to school so young. She will turn 6 in August and start Year 2 in the September - its flown by so quickly but she loves everything about school. Its a very personal choice as to when you send your child, as only you know whether they are ready or not.

[joanne]

Following on from your interesting comments Rachel - at what age do they generally leave school - and do you do have a 'transition year' ? (This is a year we have in Ireland after you complete your Junior Cert (GCSE's), where you take a bit of a break academically and try different things for the year eg work experience or set up a mini- company) and before you go into 5th Year (you do your Leaving Cert in 6th Year).