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Post by noreenc on Apr 1, 2007 12:28:41 GMT
On Friday my DS came home from a friends house way after the time we agreed on. Well he says he didn't agree on it and so it didn't count. After a bit of a shouting match on Saturday morning I told him i was going to have to punish him so I told him he could not go out for two more weeks. But he doesn't care 'cos he says he is going to go out anyway and nothing is going to stop him. So how do I handle this situation? This is the first time he has reacted so strongly to me and I fear its going to get worse.
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joanne
Chatty Parent!
Posts: 110
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Post by joanne on Apr 2, 2007 22:27:24 GMT
First of all just to put your mind at ease - your DS is being a teenager - perfectly normal behaviour - whats important now is your behaviour around his. And yes to answer your question - things do get worse if a behaviour is not addressed.
So may I offer you a few suggestions:
Listening is one of the most important skills in parenting - and so the key to communicating with your son is to listen to him. Sounds easier said than done I might add.
So I would advise you to pick a time where you and your son have some time alone and when you are both calm.
Talk about Friday night - ask him how he felt about Friday night, talk about your worries and concerns and ask him if he felt the punishment was unfair. No need to get defensive - start all your sentences with 'I feel.... I was worried..... I am concerned.... rather than 'You said....You did this or that...... or 'Why did you do this....... They just tend to spark conflict . And this chat is all about listening.
So be patient - it is hard work but perservere - it will be worth it in the end.
At the end of your chat - try and come to some agreement that works for both of you. Once he feels that he is being listened to and treated fairly - his need to 'rebel' will be greatly reduced.
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Post by noreenc on Apr 9, 2007 20:51:41 GMT
LISTENING - what a simple word you said Joanne but it has totally changed things here or should I say it has changed me. It has opening up a whole new line of communication for me and my DS - not perfect by any stretch of the imagination but an awful lot better than it was. Watch this space.
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joanne
Chatty Parent!
Posts: 110
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Post by joanne on Apr 11, 2007 21:47:44 GMT
Yes it is amazing Noreen how something small can make such a huge difference. Well done to you though.
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Post by noreenc on Apr 12, 2007 22:19:48 GMT
Thanks Joanne - great to have some positive support.
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Post by noreenc on Apr 18, 2007 22:10:05 GMT
Just to give you an update had to tell you all this. But tonight my son came home asking to go out on Friday night and that if it was ok with me he would be home at 11.30. I nearly fell off the chair. Its the first time in ages he has asked me so nicely now if that isn't progress nothing is.  |
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joanne
Chatty Parent!
Posts: 110
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Post by joanne on May 13, 2007 19:51:07 GMT
Thats great news Noreen - delighted its going so much better for you with your son.
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Post by noreenc on May 28, 2007 11:05:27 GMT
Just to tell you all that things are going really well with my son - but maybe it is because he has just got a new girlfriend !!! Honestly Mr Charming isn't in it when she is around !!! ;D ;D
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