Why are we so different now??

[workingmum22]

Honestly before we had the baby we seem to share the same views on everything - but now I am looking at him - and saying who are you !!! For example if our DS is happily sitting in his buggy in the kitchen after tea, DH insists on taking him out, throwing him up in the air and get the baby over excited. It then gets so much more difficult to settle the baby for bed. And while I have asked him not to do this - it seems to fall on deaf ears. Am I turning into a nag?

[behanfamily]

this is difficult for both parents I know, having experienced couple trouble myself. When dads are at work all day when they come home they think its play time with baby, and for us it "yah almost end of day and peace for an hour or two". Its finding the balance and compromise - if he wants to play, he settles baby for bed (and you go for a walk, or swimming, or just a bath even, and let him see how hard it can be) I know when we are tired we tend to get annoyed at silly things (well I know I do) but we sometimes need to bite our tongue because we realise after how trivial it was. As mums we have lots of time to get to know our babies and set their routines, but dads can take longer to get into the swing of things as they are not with them as much. I hope things settle for you both, but I know exactly what your feeling and yes weve all nagged ~wink~ xx

[joanne]

Couldn't agree more Rachel - that we can often fight over trivial matters - and forget the more important issues. My sister in law has a great expression 'Pick your battles' -and I swear by that.

Having said that routines are very important for babies (and for older children) - and so what I might suggest Ann is to sit down with your DH and discuss your concerns regarding bedtime routine (see Rachel's suggestions) - and establish a routine that works for both of you But do it when you are both calm, relaxed and have time to discuss it properly.

Once you feel that you got the bedtime sorted out - work on the other issues you may be concerned with. You will begin to develop healthier ways of communicating - and avoid the tendency to slip into 'nagging' mode.

I would also agree that maintaining a relationship along with raising a child / children is very challenging !! But you have our full support here !

[noreenc]

I have separated recently and so I know first hand what happens when both parents stop working at the relationship. I think both of us thought it would sort itself out over time - but not so. The gulf between us just widened. So take my advice - make time for it - its too important not to. (sorry didn't mean to depress you - especially since I have just joined as a member ).

[behanfamily]

Noreen sorry to read of your news, we are hear to support you and listen when you need us

[joanne]

Thank you for being so honest Noreen - what a difficult year you must have had but so glad that you have joined us here.

[workingmum22]

Oh my God so many stories here which has really given me cause for thought. Major chats going on in my house at the moment regarding making time for us - I am beginning to wake up and smell the roses - a holiday is a must for us all. Just to see the sun everyday would cheer anyone up. Off to book one I think.

[workingmum22]

Thought I would let you all know that I have booked a weeks holiday for the three of us in the Canaries in June. Can't believe I have actually done it - but delighted i have.

[behanfamily]

yah hope you have a great time. where abouts are you going? we have just returned from Tenerife - so any help you need re packing n stuff just shout!

[workingmum22]

Honestly I can't get over the difference in us as a couple since we've started making more time for our relationship. The fighting has stopped - I feel calmer with my son - what amazes me is that something so obvious could make such a change in our lives. ;D ;D ;D

[noreenc]

Delighted things are going so well for you !! Wish I had learnt that lesson years ago !!!